It’s exactly after 1 year that I am again writing back to my blog. I am not surprised that I didn’t pay any attention to it. I was so much engrossed in a new aspect of my life. First it was my pregnancy and then my new baby. I am fascinated by the wonders life has given me after Arnesh is born. Everyday I am swayed by a feeling which is deeply rooted inside a mother’s heart and was so-far untouched and unfelt for me. The feeling is so new and magnificent and wild and uncontrolled that I am not only overwhelmed but amused as well. The first 2 weeks were the best as I was in a constant intoxicated phase, as if in a perennial trance. The feelings were exactly like the 10th sip from a glass of red-wine or may be like constantly drinking Margarita. I was heavily suffering from sleep deprivation as Arnesh has to be fed and cleaned every 2-3 hours even during nights. I reached a state when I could pay $1000 to take care of my baby for a night. But I could not do it as I don’t trust anybody with my baby who is so fragile and tiny and beautiful and would prefer to enjoy that instead.
At the beginning I was so much worried about this delicate marvel, how to hold and feed and clean. But like a pro he started sucking my breasts to get the nectar of life from the first day. He helped me cleaning by lifting his legs and by opening his arms to get dressed. He smelled like a fresh flower and way better than my $250 French perfume. Every time he looked at me and smile I felt like crying. I never get such a kind of love ever in my life from anybody. This is so new and natural that I forget all my logical sense to analyze it. I just remember that the beauty is so strong that it turns a ferocious lioness into a kind mother. Now I really get surprised and amused by looking at those early photographs how small he was. I don't remember that any more.
The whole process also brought some changes in my inner self as well. I am more patient and tolerant and forgiving than ever before. Sometimes I don’t even care about the rest of the world as long as he is there with me.
But I know this honeymoon is not going to be for life. Once he will be able to have his own personality he will start fighting with me. The way I fight with my parents till now. The day he will have his wings full grown he will fly off to his chosen destination and may not look once back at me. But I am not going to spoil this golden period by thinking about that. I just want to enjoy this and will treasure always as the most precious and wonderful part of my life.
At the beginning I was so much worried about this delicate marvel, how to hold and feed and clean. But like a pro he started sucking my breasts to get the nectar of life from the first day. He helped me cleaning by lifting his legs and by opening his arms to get dressed. He smelled like a fresh flower and way better than my $250 French perfume. Every time he looked at me and smile I felt like crying. I never get such a kind of love ever in my life from anybody. This is so new and natural that I forget all my logical sense to analyze it. I just remember that the beauty is so strong that it turns a ferocious lioness into a kind mother. Now I really get surprised and amused by looking at those early photographs how small he was. I don't remember that any more.
The whole process also brought some changes in my inner self as well. I am more patient and tolerant and forgiving than ever before. Sometimes I don’t even care about the rest of the world as long as he is there with me.
But I know this honeymoon is not going to be for life. Once he will be able to have his own personality he will start fighting with me. The way I fight with my parents till now. The day he will have his wings full grown he will fly off to his chosen destination and may not look once back at me. But I am not going to spoil this golden period by thinking about that. I just want to enjoy this and will treasure always as the most precious and wonderful part of my life.
